Mind The Gap

It has been a while since I wrote a blog post, partly because I've been so busy and partly because I've been feeling pretty good! I have had a pretty crap day today though, which has led to me thinking about guilt. I feel guilty a lot. I am human after all! But I tend to take it to extremes. For example, today I have felt guilty about 7 squillion times, mostly for things that, upon reflection, I shouldn't really be feeling guilty for. I had a stupid row with Liam this morning before he went out, and so I have been feeling guilty about that all day. I have not left the house today, the kids have been mostly amusing themselves and I feel like a terrible parent. This is something I feel guilty about a lot. My depression today is not too bad, but I still feel very demotivated. Tomorrow I will feel guilty for not making the most of today, but it feels like too much effort right now. I have a constant stream of 'what if' scenarios running through my head and a l...

I have been thinking about this quite a bit recently, how different people cope with different things. I was talking to Liam about my depression in general and he mentioned that he was surprised that when he had his accident I dealt with it so well. It was the most traumatic event that had happened in my life up until that point and it didn’t affect me how I thought it would. I always assumed that if something like that happened I would totally fall apart and not be able to cope. I remember finding out about Liam’s accident and going into autopilot. I stayed that way for a good few days I think, before it really hit me what was happening. Even then, I knew I had to stay strong for Liam, as he was going to need a lot of support and care. Looking back, I think that taking care of him kept me going. I had a purpose and he needed me to keep my shit together. When I got pregnant with Thomas I was terrified about post-natal depression. Having mental health problems doesn’t guarantee yo...

Every year in a person's life is important, but some are more defining and memorable than others. For me, one of these years was 2007. I have taken a long time to get my head around the events of 2007, and writing about it has been somewhat thereapeutic for me. I know that it may prove to be a difficult read for some of my family and friends, however I feel that I should still share my story. It is painful to revisit some events in our pasts, but by doing so we accept them and how they have helped shape us into the people we become. In early 2007, I was living away from home. I had left university early and was working two jobs, in a call centre and a nightclub. I had disposable income, loads of friends and a busy social life. I was going out most nights that I wasn’t working and spending my hard earned cash on partying. Looking back I realise that although I had a great circle of friends, I never felt like I really fit in anywhere. My university friends were studying and I ...

I was watching a news article the other day about how mental health issues are becoming more prominent in young people at university. The upheaval of moving away from home combined with the pressure of performing well academically were blamed, along with other factors. This news story really resonated with me as my time away at university was when I started to recognise that I had a mental health problem. I look back on the three years I was away from home with fondness. I made some great friends and had a wonderful time, as well as finding my independence. However, there is a black shadow which tarnishes my memories of this period, which was due to living with an undiagnosed mental health problem. According to the news story, 1 in 3 students suffer from mental health issues, and 1 in 10 admit to thinking about harming themselves in some way. At the University of Bristol, there have been four student suicides since September, which has led to them carrying out a review of thei...

For most of my life I have never really cared much about what I look like. Yes, I want to be slim and beautiful, but I have never invested much effort into making this happen. I have always worn what I feel comfortable in, done my hair and make up for a special occasion, and not paid much attention to what is 'trendy'. Over the last six months or so I have been questioning how what I look like can affect how I feel about myself. Now, I know you must be thinking, how self-centered, or self-involved does someone have to be to constantly be thinking about what they look like. I am not talking about big, significant changes, but rather little tweaks which can boost my confidence. I have always been an advocate of people (not just women) putting time and effort into looking perfect every day and applaud those who do; it is just not for me. Recently I have been making small changes to how I appear, not for the benefit of others, but to explore how this can affect my mood ...

Hi!  Welcome to my brand new blog. Recently I have been reflecting about the journey I have come on with my mental health issues, and how far I still have to go. I thought it may help me to share my story, and it may help someone else along the way. But first... this is me! This is me and my family. My husband and children are my whole world. They keep me sane! In my darkest moments they are what pull me through. In my moments of pure happiness, they are the cause. My family have shared the majority of my journey, and unfortunately my mental health issues will affect them day-to-day no matter how much I try to keep it from them. I want this blog to be a platform for mental health matters. I may, at times, go off on a tangent! However, I want to be able to share ways I have found to cope with my challenges, and explore new methods in the future.  I have suffered with anxiety and depression since I was about 18. I didn't know what it was at the t...