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Guilt

It has been a while since I wrote a blog post, partly because I've been so busy and partly because I've been feeling pretty good!

I have had a pretty crap day today though, which has led to me thinking about guilt.

I feel guilty a lot. I am human after all! But I tend to take it to extremes. For example, today I have felt guilty about 7 squillion times, mostly for things that, upon reflection, I shouldn't really be feeling guilty for.

I had a stupid row with Liam this morning before he went out, and so I have been feeling guilty about that all day.

I have not left the house today, the kids have been mostly amusing themselves and I feel like a terrible parent. This is something I feel guilty about a lot. My depression today is not too bad, but I still feel very demotivated. Tomorrow I will feel guilty for not making the most of today, but it feels like too much effort right now.

I have a constant stream of 'what if' scenarios running through my head and a lot of this is generated by feeling s of guilt.
Do I give the boys too much attention, or not enough? Is telling them off going to scar them for life? If I don't tell them off are they going to end up in jail? Should I have gone back to work sooner, or stayed at home longer? Do I spend too much time hugging them, and babying them?

I always joke about how the fact that they appear to be turning into well-adjusted, kind, funny, clever human beings is a fluke and that it is far more nature than nurture. I guess it's time for me to start taking some of the credit for this, and to stop feeling so guilty about everything.

Today has been a bit of a write-off, however I know that tomorrow will be better.

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