Skip to main content

Guilt

It has been a while since I wrote a blog post, partly because I've been so busy and partly because I've been feeling pretty good!

I have had a pretty crap day today though, which has led to me thinking about guilt.

I feel guilty a lot. I am human after all! But I tend to take it to extremes. For example, today I have felt guilty about 7 squillion times, mostly for things that, upon reflection, I shouldn't really be feeling guilty for.

I had a stupid row with Liam this morning before he went out, and so I have been feeling guilty about that all day.

I have not left the house today, the kids have been mostly amusing themselves and I feel like a terrible parent. This is something I feel guilty about a lot. My depression today is not too bad, but I still feel very demotivated. Tomorrow I will feel guilty for not making the most of today, but it feels like too much effort right now.

I have a constant stream of 'what if' scenarios running through my head and a lot of this is generated by feeling s of guilt.
Do I give the boys too much attention, or not enough? Is telling them off going to scar them for life? If I don't tell them off are they going to end up in jail? Should I have gone back to work sooner, or stayed at home longer? Do I spend too much time hugging them, and babying them?

I always joke about how the fact that they appear to be turning into well-adjusted, kind, funny, clever human beings is a fluke and that it is far more nature than nurture. I guess it's time for me to start taking some of the credit for this, and to stop feeling so guilty about everything.

Today has been a bit of a write-off, however I know that tomorrow will be better.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Mind The Gap

Hi!  Welcome to my brand new blog. Recently I have been reflecting about the journey I have come on with my mental health issues, and how far I still have to go. I thought it may help me to share my story, and it may help someone else along the way. But first... this is me! This is me and my family. My husband and children are my whole world. They keep me sane! In my darkest moments they are what pull me through. In my moments of pure happiness, they are the cause. My family have shared the majority of my journey, and unfortunately my mental health issues will affect them day-to-day no matter how much I try to keep it from them. I want this blog to be a platform for mental health matters. I may, at times, go off on a tangent! However, I want to be able to share ways I have found to cope with my challenges, and explore new methods in the future.  I have suffered with anxiety and depression since I was about 18. I didn't know what it was at the t...
Post a Comment
Read more

Isolation

Hi everyone It has been a very long time since I last wrote a blog but I have been thinking a lot recently about loneliness and isolation. It is a very strange and trying time for a lot of people at the moment and some have been struggling with being on their own. A lot of people I have spoken to have suffered with feeling lonely the last few months due to the lockdown. Some of them had no prior mental health conditions and some have suffered for years. It has shown that it is completely natural to feel depressed and anxious at times. It has also clearly shown how easy it is to feel isolated and lonely even when you are not alone. It is situations such as this which bring out the best and worst in people. It has really been a time of reflection and contemplation for many and people have dealt with it in different ways. Some people have taken up a new hobby or learnt something new, taking advantage of the time available which we didn’t have before. Some people have thrown them...
1 comment
Read more